The Incredible Lightness of Being

The Incredible Lightness of Being. This phrase holds my mind captive. It's not to be confused with the book and movie called, "The Unbearable Lightness of Being." What the incredible lightness of being represents to me is a sudden, transient sensation of joy in the life, free from want or worry. A cataclysmic explosion of happiness and contentment that dissipates quickly, but leaves a singular sensation of life's sweetness distilled into a fleeting moment. Throughout this experience, I have been blessed with many such moments, and those are the ones I am throwing my concentration on so that I can harness the good energy derived from their enjoyment.

When worry keeps me up at night, I could look into the sleeping faces of my little boys and see peace and innocence. If only we could only borrow a bit of these precious qualities from our children, our adult lives might be better lived. I remember lying in the grass under my dad's immense cedar tree in the backyard and staring up at a cloud-free blue sky; warm October sunshine penetrating my skin and driving out the chill in my bones. For a few peaceful moments, the pain in my body simply didn't register. The clear sky seen through tangles of fragrant cedar branches while lying still on my back gave me a sensation of falling up into the universe. It's the same feeling I experienced while watching a meteor shower from my sleeping bag when was just a kid. I stared so long at the starry sky that I felt as if I was swirling up, up into the cosmos. I felt light as air and part of the bigger universe, no longer confined to my corner of the world. I've heard Spencer laughing in his sleep, and Rowan sighing very contentedly. It makes me wonder what 2-year olds dream about when they are sleeping.

Watching Rowan and Spencer laugh while running wildly through water fountains at Great Wolf Lodge, or bouncing maniacally at Jump Planet, or riding their Spider-Man trikes fast down the driveway at Ong Ngoai's (grandpa's) house makes me want to bottle the very essence of childhood joy. When was the last time you experienced that kind of sheer, unadulterated happiness yourself? Those who have children can live vicariously through them, but think hard on your own "lightness of being" and zero in on the moment it last happened for you. Is life a series of these cataclysmic moments of intense happiness strung together between episodes of dullness or tragedy? Instead of dwelling on all the events in our lives that bring us down, it might be possible to meditate only on those that have brought us perfect contentment in order to supply our soul with the food it needs to generate good energy. Just as we need to detoxify our bodies, we need to detoxify our minds of the negativity that serves only to waste space and time that could instead be filled with more joy. It's easier said than done when modern life stresses us out so much. But learning to purge anger, fear, worry, and hate from our hearts and minds is just as important as learning to take care of your bodily health.

One of the hardest things for me to do right now is to try to find forgiveness for those who have wronged me. I'm not talking about shaking hands and making up. I mean the true kind of forgiveness that only the heart can grant in order to replace anger and resentment with peace and serenity. There is plenty of anger there at those who have seriously let me down, fear of painful medical procedures that must be endured, worry over finances and bills, and hate of terrorists, bigots, racists, real-life pirates, stampeding shoppers, gun-toting gangsters at the malls. So much in life to weigh us down, making forgiveness more and more of a precious commodity. But forgive I must if I wish to be unencumbered of much of the negativity that helped feed my disease. For now, I can only work on it a little bit each day because it's hard to undo a lifetime's worth. In order to shift off some of the weight that held me down, I must concentrate on those moments of incredible lightness of being that made it possible for me to fall up into the sky.