Speed Bump On The Road to Recovery

My road to recovery hit another speed bump. I had a follow-up appointment with my oncologist, Dr. Crossland, today. She was forced to discuss a very difficult matter with me-- adjuvant chemo (which means additional chemo after surgery). We went over the success of the surgery and the favorable pathology report again, but she reminded me that I only had two months' worth of chemotherapy and radiation prior to surgery. Standards of cancer treatment dictate that a full six months' worth of chemotherapy is necessary in order to ensure that any potential undetected, microscopic metastasis of the cancer are eradicated as well. The surgeon removed a 14cm section of my colon, along with 9 lymph nodes (none of which were involved), and they had found only 1mm of cancer left in the tissue that was removed. Based on the clinical data, my cancer was staged as T2N0. Which means that the cancer did penetrate into the tissue lining of the colon but not beyond, and there did not appear to be any lymph node involvement. That makes me either a high risk Stage 2 or possible Stage 3. We would all like to hope that I am fully-cured of the cancer, but Dr. Crossland is making sure that I am aware of the residual risk factors.

The dilemma for me is whether I can decide to take 4 more months of systemic poison just in case there might be more cancer, or should I assume that I am fully cured based on the clinical data alone? As accurate as CAT scans are and as good as my medical team is, she said it's possible that a microscopic metastasis might have occurred, which could cause a new cancer growth elsewhere in my colon or in another organ. Chemo drugs are literally poison, and it kills cells and tissue in the body indiscriminately. It does not distinguish between healthy cells or cancerous cells. It kills them both, and it's dosed in such amounts as not to kill the patient first. That is why the skin on my hands and feet were freckled and peeled, why I developed sores on my lips and in my mouth, why I felt nauseated and was constantly fatigued.

If I choose to undergo adjuvant chemo, I may be unnecessarily subjecting my body to 4 more months of poison when I might be perfectly healthy and cancer-free. On the other hand, if I don't do it, then I am taking a calculated risk too. I know the choice may seem obvious, but is it? The heavy metals in the chemo drugs have been known to settle in the body and cause other primary cancers years down the road. If I no longer have cancer now, I might potentially be setting myself up for it again unnecessarily. Damned if you do, damned if you don't. I am working on getting a second opinion from Seattle Cancer Care Alliance as well. I have one month to decide either way. I had very much hoped that this would end with the good news I received in the hospital, but now it seems like it will end with a question mark.....